I will admit that I am a master procrastinator. Call it an unhealthy fear of failure. A fear of emotional intimacy which is also the reason I have not shared this blog with close friends that may actually get a bit of a kick out of it. They only get to see my live performances which can be amended later where this just makes me feel naked.
I hate the Midwest. It is a living stereotype of everything that I thought I wanted. It's really just a nightmare. People 'shop the ads', clip coupons and consider themselves swing voters. People are very complacent and happy which is disastrous for someone who's personality is solely based upon sarcasm and self deprecation. It's not like I didn't know what I was getting myself in to; before I left my friend Erin said, "You'll find away to make it work. You'll put painted wooden scarecrows on your porch but I can imagine them all looking very sardonic."
I lived in Utah previously which people may think and even I thought was just as awful and backward as a small Midwestern town, but it's not. While there are plenty of Mormon stereotypes and they do have strong political influence it is easy to create a niche in Utah being some sort of anti-thesis to the 'accepted culture'.
There is still some hope. Growing up one of my favorite books was Main Street by Sinclair Lewis. It's about a woman that marries a small town country doctor and despite her best efforts cannot make a go of Gopher Prairie, MN. She leaves to the city for awhile but eventually returns. Maybe, I really haven't learned to appreciate West Bend, WI for what it is. As, I sit here complaining I realize that because I let my fear get the best of me I am no Caroline Kennicott.
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